Wisdom of Larry the cable guy.

My little Sister sent me these and they cracked me up "That's funny right there. I don't care who you are!"

**Wisdom of Larry the cable guy.**

*1. A day without sunshine is like night.*

*2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.*

*3. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.*

*4. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.*

*5. Remember, half the people you know are below average.*

*6. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.*

*7. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.*

*8. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese in the trap.*

*9. Support bacteria. They're the only culture some people have.*

*10. A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.*

*11. Change is inevitable, except from vending machines.*

*12. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.*

*13. How many of you believe in psycho-kinesis? Raise my hand.*

*14. OK, so what's the speed of dark?*

*15. When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.*

*16. Hard work pays off in the future. Laziness pays off now.*

*17. How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?*

*18. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.*

*19. What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?*

*20. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?*

*21. Inside every older person is a younger person wondering, "What the heck happened?"*

*22. Just remember -- if the world didn't suck, we would all fall off.*

*23. Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.*

*24. Life isn't like a box of chocolates, it's more like a jar of jalapenos. What you do today, might burn your rear tomorrow.*